The first year...

A beautiful life, a beautiful woman...

So, today is one year that my Mom has been gone. 

I wrote and read the text below at her service.  I am posting it here so that, if you knew her, you can remember her with love in your heart.  If you didn't know her, then maybe you can feel her beautiful spirit as you read.  She was my rock and my world has been forever changed without her in it.  I miss her immensely. There is not one single day that she hasn't been in my thoughts.

Our time together is short.  We do not have forever to make amends for what we've done wrong.  We should not put off the phone call to that person that has been on our minds.  Get over your pride and do what your heart wants you to.  Tell your loved ones every day how much they mean to you.  Don't leave any doubts.  Love unconditionally, kiss your babies, be kind.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

First of all, on behalf of myself and my family, thank you all for joining us today in celebration of my Mother’s life.  Beautiful, strong, intelligent, independent, gentle, loving, kind, honest, and sometimes a force to be reckoned with.  These are only a few of the words that describe my Mother.  As I was trying to collect my thoughts to write this, I realized that this isn’t just MY Mother that is gone.  There are four of us daughters, a husband of 21 years, grandchildren, great-grandchildren.  Some of you lost a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a friend.  We are all mourning the loss of a beautiful person.  Cry for her today, for the loss of her physical presence, but tomorrow when you think of her, put a smile on your face.  Smile and remember the love she gave you.  That is how she would want to be remembered, with a smile, a laugh even.  She will always be with each and every one us. 

Sandi was our hero.  She faced her obstacles head on.  She taught us to do the same.  When life comes at you, you don’t back down.  You stand up and fight back.  All of us girls have gone through our own hardships and my Mother was always there.  She may tell us that she didn’t like what we were doing or how we were acting, but that she loved us.  And she did, through it all, as we were.  Most of the time, she would know when something was going on with one of us.  It was her perfect intuition.  She would call and say “What’s going on?” or “I just thought I’d call and check on you”.  That usually led to a comforting, guiding conversation and then things would be better.

A couple days ago, I received a message from a long-time friend and was blessed with a wonderful memory.  This person had a difficult life as a child and it was my Mom that gave him encouragement.  He said she would always tell him to get his act together because he had too much potential.  She and Jack would offer him a job when he was down on his luck.  He told me she would be proud of him now and that my parents were always good to him.  You never know how a few simple words can mean so much to someone.  She touched his life so many years ago and he still carries that with him today.  She believed in him.  I know there are many more people out there that she touched.  She always had a knack for seeing the good in people, even when they had a hard time seeing it themselves.  She always gave second chances, sometimes many second chances.  There were a few people that worked for her that she took under her wing.  She was always helping someone get back on their feet.

When we found out that my Mom was sick, I thought, of all things, about her Thanksgiving dressing and how no one knows the recipe or how to make it.  If you have ever been at our house during Thanksgiving, you know what I mean.  So, this past Thanksgiving, I had Mom show me step, by step and took notes.  I had insisted on buying some of the groceries and only after the dressing was made, did we realize that the corn bread mix I bought was sweet.  It doesn’t say it anywhere on the package but it was.  I was so upset at myself for ruining Mom’s dressing that I cried.  She gave me that look and said “Don’t cry.  It’ll be okay”.  She has said that to me many times in my life and likely to you too. 

I know there will be many times that I will want to pick up the phone and call her.  I’ll need advice on raising teenagers, their graduations and weddings.  Now I’ll just have to ask the question “What would Momma do?” and then listen to the quiet voice in my ear.  I know that she will always be with me, guiding me, teaching me, loving me. 

She had such a thirst for knowledge.  Always the seeker and the teacher.  She had a solid foundation in her faith and a love for God.  We all spent hours talking God, religion, spiritualism, aliens, astrology, mythology.  You name it, we probably talked about it.  I will always cherish those conversations and lessons.

So many memories…. Dominoes until the early morning hours, fourth of July parties, Christmas mornings, Easter egg hunts, Thanksgiving dinners, dancing while cleaning, singing, planting gardens and flowers.  Her family was important to her.  She was with each of us girls as we birthed our babies.  She helped to bring them all into this world.  A good coach at birth and at life. 

So many times she brought laughter into our lives.  She had the best laugh, which all of us girls inherited, the most beautiful smile, the sweetest spirit and the wisest soul.  Thank you for loving her.  Thank you for being her friend.  Before she left this place, I was able to thank her for being my Momma and I thanked her for loving me.  I am blessed to have had her for 36 years.  I am blessed and honored to call her Momma.

So to my Mother… Spread your wings and fly.  Rejoice.  Be free from physical limitations and know the purest love.  I will see you again and until then, I’ll carry you in my heart, I’ll speak to you with my spirit.  Your legacy will live on through your children, grandchildren, and generations to come.  Your memory will live in each of us forever.