We all have our stories. We have all been through some type of trauma, turmoil, and pain. How you choose to let these experiences affect you makes the difference. It's all in how you think.
You have to see the process and allow yourself to move through it. No matter what the trauma, you have to give yourself a chance to feel the emotion. If you are grieving, then feel the grief, embrace it and then move through it. There are 5 stages of grief. You may experience all of them, some, or one. We can grieve many things such as death, divorce, loss of a job, etc. The stages are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I think the key is to acknowledge where you are in the process and allow yourself to move through it. It is hanging on to one of these emotions that causes you to become stagnant in your evolution of self. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to get angry. It is not okay to let yourself become the anger or damaging emotion that you feel. Let go. There are things in this world that are inevitable and things you cannot change. Why would you put yourself through the torture of thinking you can?
Here is where fortitude comes in. Fortitude is the mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously. Know that no matter what the situation is, you have to face it. That which you ignore, persists. Deal with it, then get over it. Sound harsh? Well? What do you expect? Life has beautiful, sweet moments. Our adversities are not those sweet moments, but they are opportunities to create your stronger self. Only after you have moved through them can you look back on them and witness the blessing they were. They were blessings because they molded you and shaped you into what you are today. Just remember that you choose in which way they do so.
When my Mother passed two weeks ago, I had already been through some of the grieving processes. She had been sick for a year, so some things like normal conversation and connecting with her were already gone. What I didn't do was lay down and give up. There is no reason to. She wouldn't want me to. After we buried her, there was a week were I was too tired to get out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. I wondered when I would have the motivation again. Then I told myself "April, pick your head up off the pillow and move on with your life". And so I did.
Whatever you are going through, just know that it is temporary. Pick your head up off your pillow. If you don't do it, who will? No one. That's who. It's up to you to move forward and create your own existence. Life is waiting for you. You have strength too, you just have to find it. It is in there, deep down. Once you call upon it, you will awaken it and it will come forward more often. My strength and fortitude are so much a part of me now that I don't have to call upon them, they just are.
I was molested as a child by my biological father. I could write a book on this experience and the incorrect beliefs I had about myself, other people, sex, relationships, etc. One thing my Mother did teach me was that I don't have to play victim. And so I don't. I have had issues come up throughout my life, that after addressing them, I find the root is usually the abuse. Sometimes, this pisses me off. Really? That again? I thought I had dealt with that? I have dealt with it, but sometimes it shows up in other forms that I don't see at the time. What do I do? I face it. I take the bull by the horns, if you will. Why? Because I refuse to let that experience define who I am. Fortitude. I could feel sorry for myself, lay in my pity and cry "Oh why me?". But I don't. I may cry sometimes; it is my cleansing process. However, if I keep my mind in the 'victim' mentality, then he abuses me again everyday. So, I make the choice to be different. I use the experience for the good, where I can.
I'm sure you have gone through the ringer a few times yourself. Maybe you feel like you have had more than your fair share. Don't give up. Don't let it get you down, for too long. If you keep playing the same role, you will keep getting the same results. Let's say you have been in and out of bad relationships. What role are you playing? Find your strength and stand on your own two feet. Be you and find happiness in yourself and then the right person will come along. Looking for someone to hold you up is giving your power away. Dig down and find your own, You have it. We all do.
“A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.” ~ Jacqueline Bisset
"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~ Mahatma Gandhi
"Few men during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the resources dwelling within them. There are deep wells of strength that are never used." ~ Richard E. Byrd
"There is no limit to what you can imagine. And with commitment, with effort, what you can imagine you can become. Put your mind to work for you. Believe that you can do it. The world will tell you that you can't. Yet, in your belief you'll find the strength, you'll find the ability, to do it anyway." Ralph Marston
Kia Kaha
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