When I found out I was pregnant with my third child, I cried. A lot. I had a ten year old from a previous marriage and my son was six months old. My husband and I had agreed on having one child together, and we had my son. It took some time before I felt I was ready and once he was here, I was happy with my two children. I loved them both with everything in me. My heart knew that I wasn't in a "forever" marriage and here I was, about to add a third child into the mix. As I sat on the bed at 6:30 in the morning, crying to my husband, telling him we were having a baby, I suddenly had a peaceful feeling wash over me. This was the most loving, gentle spirit that I had ever felt and I knew right then it was her. It was my Lyla baby letting me know it would all be okay. She has been a surprise ever since. Lyla was my biggest baby, weighing in at 9 lbs, 12 oz. Surprise! This little bundle of joy was belly laughing at only three weeks old. Surprise! Fast forward five years. She is a vivacious, spirited, excited, animated, lovely little girl. She is a handful, to say the least. With her and Gavin being only 15 months apart, it is sometimes like having twins. Their Dad and I divorced, but we co-parent very well. They are happy, well-adjusted children.
Lyla began kindergarten this year. She has always been a bit hyper, but my oh my...
We have experienced a severe escalation in her hyperactive behavior and acting out. She is on red several times in a week. She is being threatened with ISS (in school suspension), and is close to being kicked off the bus. She talks a lot, can't sit still, can't keep her hands to herself, doesn't listen, does things intentionally when she knows that she isn't suppose to. She has cut her hair at school, hit other children, thrown an apple across the cafeteria, stabbed a child in the mouth with a pencil, and colored all over a station in the class room. Thing is, she is not a "bad" kid. It isn't because she is spoiled, or not disciplined, or any of that. Although, she has does these things, she isn't mean or hateful. She is very loving. It has thrown me for a loop. I'm trying to grasp what is going on here.
About the time this all escalated, we went grocery shopping. It has always been difficult to take them with me. They fight or run around crazy. It takes twice as long when they are with me to get through a grocery list. Usually, I make her sit in the buggy to avoid having to chase her around the store. Sometimes, I let her be my helper and put items in the cart. This directs her focus for a little while, then she is back to losing focus of her task. This particular day, I held her hand while we shopped. I let her get items for me and we even danced down the isles. We spun circles, she skipped and sang and never once stopped talking or moving. I tried very hard to make it a fun experience for her. She would jerk lose of my grip to run and touch everything that caught her eye. As I really watched her, I kept having this thought in my mind that something is different about her. I could see her thoughts skip around erratically. She would have literally bounced off the walls, if she were able. Then, my 17 year old daughter spoke the very thought. "Mom, do you think she might be ADHD?". Surprise!!
I began to do a lot of reading about ADHD. She fits every symptom, and then some. I know if I took her to a Doctor for evaluation, she would be diagnosed. I refuse to medicate her. I am the person that goes for natural treatment before I try anything else. I will not turn my child into a zombie. After conversations with her Dad and step-Mom, we are all in agreement that we will do everything we can to help this beautiful little girl without medication.
Through this I realized something. We cannot raise each of our children the same way. They are all different little souls. Lyla has come here to teach me, not the other way around. I have to learn to parent to meet her needs. My parenting style has worked for my first two. I have been able to teach them how I know to teach. This little girl, she is definitely teaching me! It is my responsibility to learn how to raise her in the most healthful, loving way I can. She is molding me. When I look at her beautiful little face, I find that I am not as frustrated with her behavior. Instead, I am softened and eager to learn as much as I can so that she can flourish. I want to be able to help her direct the excessive amount of energy and enthusiasm she has in a positive, successful way.
And so, we begin the journey. The three of us are beginning with diet. We have a lot of information at our fingertips and are committed to trying everything (other than medication) until we find what works.
I intend to update my blog as much as possible. There have already been a few meetings that I will write about soon and let you know how this is developing.
Kia Kaha
